House Tearmainn

My recent one year anniversary of owning pais and a recent post on Slave Register have me thinking back on what I’ve learned as a master and what advice I could offer someone with even less experience than I have. I have decided not to reply to that post because I’m not sure that what I have learned is relevant to what the OP was asking, but I thought I’d post my thoughts here for posterity and throw in some quotes for pomposity.

“It’s simple. I say it and you do it, right?” – Myself, a year ago

A lot of what I’ve learned boils down to humility. This isn’t a new lesson for me, but it seems to be one I need to learn every time I tackle a new endeavor. Perhaps that has to do with needing to feel like I would be good at something before I’m motivated to try it. Whatever the reason, there is a distinct correlation between how much I think I know and how many mistakes I make.

The impression that I get from reading various forums (albeit infrequently) is that this is far from a unique problem with new M-types. After all it takes a certain amount of hubris to stand up and say “I want complete responsibility for another human being’s entire life!” When you couple that with the kind of loner / DIY mentality that I seem to share with so many other dominants, it’s a recipe for under-thinking the inherent complexities of an M/s relationship. By taking a step back from that mentality and investigating my assumptions about, well, everything, I’ve been able to keep my slave in peak pleasing-me condition, and reduce the stress caused by making invalid assumptions about what we are capable of.

“There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything.” – Lord Byron

One of the other things I’ve learned in the last year is courage, of a sort. Not quite the stuff of action movies, but the courage to question myself and my assumptions about what a master should be, to use that humility as a goad to meet other people learn from them. I’m an incredibly shy and private person by nature so things like coming out M/s to friends and the mother of my children, posting publicly on forums (and blogs) and attending conferences take a certain amount of courage. It also takes a certain measure of courage to own up to your mistakes in a situation where you can just wave your hand and make the slave pretend it never happened, or to face down deep-seated, but wrong, conceptions of how things “should” work and change those views.

“Sexuality is a big issue, but there are others – how much you commit to a relationship, to social obligation, to honesty and being honest with yourself.” – Ang Lee

“I’d much rather have the honesty than not. Because if you say what’s on your mind and get it off your chest, then the sooner I can prove you wrong!” – Garth Brooks

Ah, honesty. Another lesson I get to learn over and over again, in new and exciting ways. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never felt a need to be dishonest to pais, there’s simply no reason to be. She’s the only person that has ever accepted me as I am and loved me unconditionally for it. In fact, I’d say that the level of honesty I have with her has been the prime motivating factor to increase my honesty with myself.

One thing I never really had been prepared for before collaring her was how hard it can be sometimes to answer the question “What do you want?”.
It gets easier with practice, but to have the full banquet of options available to you, and then to sort through them to find the ones that will bring the greatest long term happiness is a tricky thing.

“Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.” – Confucius

On the up-side some of my old life lessons have stuck. Communication. Compassion. Patience. These seem to be lessons that some other masters have to learn the hard way in their relationships. Everyone has to make their own mistakes. I hope to move on to new ones this year, and to write them down a year from now with my girl at my side and complete disdain for the person I am now.
I’m not big on giving advice, but to the person I was a year ago I would say this: You’re on the right track. Be completely honest about what you want, fearless about pursuing it, and never forget that you could be completely wrong.

One year ago today I put a collar on a girl, cut her, pissed on her, gave her a name, and took possession of her. That day was the official recognition and ceremonial consummation of what we both knew then, and know now, to be true… that she is mine. The last year has been everything that I had hoped it could be in that moment. pais is an unparalleled companion; a friend, a lover, a pet, and always, always my loyal and obedient slave.Happy collar day, girl. You have pleased me beyond anything that I had dared to hope, and brought honor to my collar and to my house. Good girl! Give me another 50 or so, just like that.