House Tearmainn

I made a priority shift the other day that I haven’t posted about, which is sort of ironic since what I de-prioritized is posting. I still expect to get to it several days a week, but I made a deal with myself that if the “popcorn” tag outgrew everything else it would be time to drop the daily posting requirement. So be it! Better to post something useful infrequently than crap daily. Frankly the number of people who seem to care just doesn’t warrant the amount of sleep deprevation that it was causing me.

Perhaps when things settle down in 14 years or so I’ll have more time for it. I doubt it, though.

Last night Sunday night was a long, but good, night. No post because I needed all available time with pais. It was definitely the right choice.

There is a lot in flux… we are both likely to be starting new jobs within the next week, and the hours on hers are going to significantly impact our one on one time. I am lucky enough to have choices of where to go, but any of them are likely to be more hours than I have been doing at my current job.

Plus the brief period of having violet in the household has brought a lot to light in terms of what our needs are and if/how they can be met in a household context. For all of the thought I have given this, we have still only been together 2 years and change. There is still so much to learn that I sometimes despair of ever being able to live up to my own standards.

Still, here we are. Yes, there is a lot to learn, and to do, before my full vision of the Household can be realized. Yes I am very limited in the things that I can offer to help people. That’s ok. The important thing is that we make progress, do good, and live with joy.

So where does that leave us? Well, as a household of two we’re doing fine. I’ll keep poking around, as I do. Maybe something will pop up that fits life right now, maybe not. Either way, I’ve got a path to walk and while the last couple of days has been well spent licking my wounds, it’s time to get moving again.

… and I’m twice as tired as I was yesterday. Funny, that. Let’s see if the trend continues.

Still mulling over the events of the past few weeks. Got in late, not really up to writing anything. Got a bit to say on intensity, though, when I get around to it. Hope everyone is sleeping more than I have been.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you

- Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

girl violet has left us and will be missed. I think it was the best choice for her. They aren’t kidding when they say that LDR’s are hard, and doubly so when I have so many other responsibilities (including a couple to myself that had been completely neglected for a while). She was with us only a short time, 10 days, but I learned a lot from the experience and I hope that she was able to take something away from it as well.

A large part of what I learned is that I’m not a super hero. Sure, with pais around I can feel like one. One of the best things about this relationship is that I feel like I can do anything with that kind of support. I need to remember that feeling that way doesn’t make it true. I can’t fly under my own power. I can’t play the cello. I can’t overcome the time and distance issues well enough for that kind relationship to work for violet right now, no matter how much we both want it. 

No regrets, just lessons.