House Tearmainn

I’ve been meaning to get back into the habit of posting here again lately, but have been waiting to have something to say. Today’s the day, it seems, though my feelings on the topic are conflicted.

I had an experience recently which is not uncommon. I was in a room with a group of M/s and D/s folks, enjoying a conversation regarding the role of fear in the lifestyle. One person in the group, a dominant, drove the conversation. Dominated it, if you will, by speaking up often, loudly, and consistently changing the topic back to the things he was more comfortable talking about. The bulk of the group seemed happy with that direction so I let it ride, but the methods employed put me off.

This is pretty stereotypical dominant behavior, and I’d classify it as more clueless than assholular, but it’s one of the reasons I’m loathe to call myself a dom. I don’t feel the need to dominate strangers, co-workers, friends, or groups. I’m perfectly happy to lead, but I’m not overly interested in leading a group if I feel someone is more qualified to do so. Obviously I have a need to be in charge in my “romantic” relationships as well.

The rest I see as, frankly, impolite. At the end of the evening I was left with a nagging feeling that somehow I was less of a dom for being like that. After further consideration, I think that I was less of a dominant for not calling the behavior out for the slight rudeness that I feel it was.

What I’m taking away from this is that dominance, like most any trait, can take a variety of forms. I’ll just keep trying to engender what I see as the positive aspects and move on, I think.