House Tearmainn

I made a priority shift the other day that I haven’t posted about, which is sort of ironic since what I de-prioritized is posting. I still expect to get to it several days a week, but I made a deal with myself that if the “popcorn” tag outgrew everything else it would be time to drop the daily posting requirement. So be it! Better to post something useful infrequently than crap daily. Frankly the number of people who seem to care just doesn’t warrant the amount of sleep deprevation that it was causing me.

Perhaps when things settle down in 14 years or so I’ll have more time for it. I doubt it, though.

It’s bad when I sit here boggling at an empty screen and unable to think of anything to say. Probably because my sole criterion at the moment is “Two sentences long, or less”. Well, that never works, of course.

I want to write about how tired I am, or how I got through a day that could have been very difficult with only minor scarring, or how I managed to pick up the world again today, only to find that it got all moved around and weird when I wasn’t looking, but that would be more self-gratifying (or worse self-congratulatory) wankery than I can cope with.

I also want to write about why I want and enjoy strong, smart, and functional submissives, but I think that is a book topic more than anything else. Luckily I think I can sum up the book thusly:

Necessity. I can’t have naked people getting beaten and sexxxed up all day long in front of the kids. Neither can I have a perpetually sub-spaced cage rat around them. I need someone who can be a strong, thinking, arguing, positive role model for them. Also someone functional enough to do the tasks I don’t want to, and given the quantity of those tasks that’s rather a lot to ask.

Humility. Sure, I’d like to have an ego stroking machine, but it wouldn’t help me meet my mission or the household’s. I need someone who can keep me honest, tell me when I’m being a prick, correct me when I’m wrong, and still do everything I want without questioning more than I want. I don’t want to be the person that lets their boner drive.

Vois la. Now I just need to expand that by about 200 pages and wait for the checks to come in.

I was just favorably compared to Eliza Dushku. I suspect this night won’t get any better than that.

Another long post left incomplete in favor of sleep, which I still somehow manage not to get. I should have time on my hands later this week, though. I hope.

[eta: Wrapped this one. Score one for the home team.]

Welp, I upgraded the site. As usual with WordPress, it took less time to do the upgrade than to back things up ahead of time. Be damned my paranoia. Nothing seems broken. I really have nothing to add to that tonight. Perhaps I used up my word quota yesterday.

I believe I will skip posting for real tonight on account of having a late night with a lot of naked people in the house.

Deep thought for the day: The further away I get from my childhood bullshit, the more palatable reality becomes.

Bonus thought: Submission may not be fragile, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be broken unintentionally.

Extra credit thought: I’ve seen a lot of bravery today, in a lot of different ways. It makes me proud of the company I keep.

Bugger. My laptop’s battery is going, and tonight it kindly took a several hundred word post with it. Fucker. That’s 2 technology failures in 3 days, what’s up with that? I’m now about to pass out so I think I’ll take the opportunity to break the post up into several smaller ones. In the meantime, here’s a deeply edited version of what I recovered:

As a friend of mine embarks on a relationship with a relatively new dominant, I find myself talking to them about a lot of the things that were going on with me at various points over the last few years. This has the predictable side effect of making me want to write about all of those things, and in particular how things have changed. I fear that I’ve covered much of this before, but hey repetition works!

The topics I’ll be looking at include:

Insecurity & Fear of…

• Hurting my playmates too much
• Hurting my playmates not enough
• Hurting my playmates emotionally
• Being an “asshole dominant”
• Being a “service dominant”
• Being topped from the bottom
• Opening up
• Just about everything else…

Also my old habit of wanting trust but not wanting to earn it, how that plays into the “natural dominant” mentality, and safewords. I had some headway into several of those topics, but there’s just no way I’m going to get anything coherent out now. Yeah, it was a long-ass post. Bugger.

Ritual tonight, so no long post. I did have an interesting thought last night, though. One way in which M/s relationships seem to differ from most other types in this place and time is that there is a greater understanding on some level that you, in either role, will have to deal with the consequences of your partner’s mistakes.

Not sure if it’s true or not, but it was an interesting thought.

I will forgo complaining about how miserable my work life has become over the past few days and just say that it is not unlikely that I will have a different employer soon. We’ll see.

In other news I had a boy over last night to discuss some household related things. It is always good to see him, and I hope that once I have a satisfactory household structure in place he will be able to join us in some capacity. He’s a good boy.

So… about that structure. I think it’s time to outline a set of membership levels, what they mean, and how to progress through them. I am not a dogmatic person, quite the opposite in fact, but I do believe that people can serve better when they’re not worried about these things and I’d like to keep all of the involved parties from making bad assumptions. Most especially me.

I think that I can make do with four levels of “membership”, for lack of a better term. For now let’s call them “free associate”, “associate”, “servant” and “slave”. Each level indicates a level of commitment, an amount expected effort, and the depth of submission. I think, also, that a certain minimum amount of time makes good sense.

I have now spent a fair amount of time trying to write up each level at a high level, but it’s become clear in doing so that my ideas are still a bit too rough for that. Fair enough, this day has been pretty frustrating all around and this is too important for me to rush through it. Anyways, it’s not like I don’t have a bucket of other things to post about while that percolates.